The entries have been counted, the random number generator has been consulted, and the winner is…

(pause to build suspense)

(dramatic mandolin to build suspense)

… dearjimmoriarty!

dearjimmoriarty, please step up to the stage so you can face off against Billy Crystal in hand-to-hand combat for a small golden statue! If you lose, you will be buried in the clothes you wore to the event.

(I’ve never actually watched the Academy Awards, but I imagine this is how it works.)

(Really all you have to do is reply to the ask I sent you.)